January 4, 2019 - With the new year and the classes I have decided to take. I have decided it was time to share something very personal to me. When I was about 10 years old I was sexually abused by someone very close to me. This abuse went on for 3-4 years. I debated on sharing who my abuser was. I decided I would share a little on that as statistics show the the majority of sexual abuse victims know, and are close to their abuser. I loved my abuser as my abuser was my brother (then 17-21 years old - yes, he was even adult when it happened). It took me years to tell anyone and still it was very few. I spent years trying to protect my little sister from this abuse but ultimately failed. I didn't know what to do as I loved and wanted to protect my brother. When my little sister came forward about her abuse I had had enough. I decided to come forward about my abuse as well. I couldn't afford to protect my brother any longer, not at the expense of my little sister. My little sister needed me more. My abuse did effect me and still effects me. I suffer from anxiety, depression, and PTSD from this trauma. These consequences are a struggle to deal with but that's beside the point. Part of the reason I came forward was to let other victims know they aren't alone. There are a few reasons I came forward, that only being one of them. I have lost both friends and family over this. I have been called a liar, my mother and sister have been called liars, and been told we were making it up in order to gain attention. I have been blamed for trying to break up our family and for threatening to ruin my brothers life. I would not wish this experience upon my worst enemy. These comments from people I love are the very reason that more abuse and rape cases aren't reported when they happen. This reaction is also one of the reasons it took me so long to come forward. I also didn't know what to do at that age (10-13) then I felt like no one would believe me. The abuse was my brother's doing and his decision though. It's taken me years and hours of counseling to accept that, that it was not my fault. No one asks to be abused, especially by someone that they love/loved. My abuse has effected relationships. I still don't handle certain situations very well. My anxiety has gotten worse over the years, to the point of needing medications. Abuse of any kind effects people in different ways. They will also cope in different ways. I used reading to escape my reality and my animals to try and comfort me. I knew that they wouldn't leave me or stop loving me. I couldn't guaranteed that people would be the same. My abuser will never face his consequences in the justice system. They justice system is broken. This also causes anxiety that he is still out there. Will another child be a victim of his behavior? Sadly there are many abusers who don't. While many will feel the same as those I have lost over this situation, it doesn't stop me from sharing my story and trying to help other victims who might need me. I decided it was time to be a survivor and not a victim.
September 22, 2018 - I live a pretty closed off life. Aside from my close friends and family, I don’t let people know a whole lot about me. As much as I promote talking about your problems and sharing your story, I have never been able to do this myself. My inability to talk about my problems and the trauma that What I have endured has caused me a lifetime of depression and anxiety. As hard as this is for me, I’ve decided to share my own story. When i was six years old, I was sexually assaulted by my 16 year old brother. For ten years, I didn’t tell anyone. Not even my therapist or my family. When the pain of my experience became too hard to handle, I let unhealthy habits become my outlet. I became physically sick due to my trauma and had to go to the ER multiple times - but the doctors could never pinpoint what was causing my body so much pain. After talking to my therapist, we decided that a majority of my symptoms were likely psychosomatic and if I wanted to feel better I needed to talk about what had happened to me. So I. did While I still suffer from severe depression & anxiety, I no longer have to same physical illnesses. My point is, life is hard. We all go through things that affect us and it isn’t always easy to talk about. I just want everyone to know that it does get easier. Even though it seems like the pain will never end, it does. I still have bad days, but I have good days too now. Please, if you are going through a hard time reach out, get help & do what you need to do to make yourself feel ok again. And to those that maybe aren’t going through a hard time, be a friend. We all need one.
June 2018 - My name is Jaxxon and I have a story. My story is of a rood dad and brothers of being roodly illegal. I haven’t seen my dad in two and a half years .My brother has been in St. Anthony for fourteen months and about three weeks. I haven’t been treated with respect for a long time but Freedom Reigns and my family are helping me by giving techniques and all the amazing animals I’ve ever seen on their farm. I’m glad that Freedom Reigns was able to help me.I’m Jaxxon and this is my story.
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